1. That you’ll be alone forever and live in a dark world of you, yourself, and a jar of peanut butter.
2. That maybe your computer is your only true friend.
3. That success is something for other people, not for you. And you’ll just live life as a piece of celery, bland and green.
4. That you’ll never be good enough for someone.
5. That you’ll have something good and important to say but no one will listen or care.
6. That your butt is too big.
7. That one day you’ll probably let someone down and it will suck.
8. That you’ll take the wrong advice and your personal life timeline will be altered and like the domino effect everything thereafter will be completely screwed up.
9. That the world is just rolling over your limp, lifeless body and you have no control over its direction.
10. That you will never be able to solve your problems so you’ll never really be the BEST YOU CAN BE.
11. That you’ll be judged for eating alone. At a restaurant. Sixty-seven days in a row.
12. That you’ll be left behind somewhere and no one will realize and then you’ll be found 70 years later by a kid named Will who moved into a house that’s on a plot that was built after your death, and he’ll be scarred for life and it will be all your fault.
13. That someone will throw a toaster into the bathtub WHILE YOU ARE IN IT.
14. That at the most inconvenient of times you just won’t be able to hold it in anymore.
15. That one day your friend or significant other will just stop liking you.
16. That you’ll never get the Krabby Patty recipe and your life will have been worth nothing.
Tim Green is the co-host of the #QWakeUpCrew and can be heard on QMIX from 9 am to Noon. “I get to listen to music every day at work! How could I NOT love my job?!” His favorite part of the job is visiting various offices for the QMIX Office Party. Register for it now! Wait… read the rest of his bio, first. Then go and register! Tim is a pop culture fanatic, useless knowledge retainer, people-watcher, life-failer in remission that just happens to be borderline obsessed with Hollywood and is also long winded. He is still trying to find a film that lives up to his all-time favorite – “The Wizard of Oz.” You can follow the yellow brick road to him on Twitter : @Timmiejoe27! If Tim wasn't working on QMIX 107.3, his dream job would be a performer on Broadway – “I don’t need a leading role; just the funny side kick will do!”